Before you get all tree huggy on me, let’s talk about a goat. I’m not talking those cute little animals that ate that kibble out of your hands at the petting zoo. It would be pretty easy to kill one of those things. I bet I could easily choke out that cute little guy in the photo above. Don’t worry, we aren’t going to be killing goats for time in any workout in the future, but we are going to kill a goat. I’m talking about your training goat.
Your “goat” in your training is that thing you really suck at. EVERYONE has a goat. It’s that one exercise that comes up and you dread it. I can assure you that even the winners of the CrossFit Games have a goat. Some of us have two, three, four or more goats. In that case, you have a whole herd of those little beasts, and you have a lot of work to do.
I have a goat. My goat is the overhead squat. My overhead squat is so ugly, it hurts other people when they watch me do it. When overhead squats come up in a workout, I am a miserable person to be around before and after. I’m still working on killing my goat, but the good news is I knocked my goat down from a ram to just a kid. (Yes, my overhead squat was even worse than it is now.)
The most important thing you can do to kill your goat is to not avoid it. I DREAD OVERHEAD SQUATS IN A WORKOUT. But..... I do them every time they come up. Chyna knows how much I hate them, but she knows that I need to work on them, so I am overhead squatting at least once a week. Oh joy....
So, if your 400m run time is slower than my grandfather walking down a flight of stairs, stop skipping the day that 400m runs are in a workout. If you see burpees posted in a workout and you think that queasiness in your stomach means you have the stomach flu, don’t do everyone else in the gym a favor by not coming in because you don’t want to get anyone else sick. We are already sick...of you making excuses! If back squatting a 5x5 sucks because you aren’t very strong, I assure you that you are not going to get stronger skipping squat days and instead hanging out with your friends and telling them all about your “intense” CrossFit workout program. Instead of figuring out how to avoid your goat, grab that little fucker by the throat and shake the shit out of it! So, step one- Don’t avoid your goat. Even the substitutions for your goat in a workout are structured to help you eventually kill that goat.
Step Two- Ask a trainer how to kill your goat. Do the “How good is my trainer test.” Walk up to your trainer and ask him how to get better at...... (you pick the movement). If your trainer tells you, “Do more CrossFit and it will come to you”, it’s time to look for a new trainer. There is a different way to kill every goat. The biggest cause I see for a movement being someone’s goat is lack of strength. Two other reasons are usually flexibility and being overweight. I don’t think I would be a good trainer if you asked me how to get a muscle up, and I told you, “You are a weak, inflexible, fat ass, so get stronger, more flexible and lose some weight.” Although the statement may be the answer, telling you that would probably go over as well as a fart in church.
Everyone’s goat has to be analyzed. It might be an easy fix, or it might be something that will take some serious work. Whether that path be the yellow brick road or a little walk up a few flights of stairs, a good trainer should be able to give you directions to navigate the path you need to follow.
Step three- Commit to killing that little bastard! One’s ability to kill a goat is a great judge of one’s character. It’s easy to stand up to the goat and tell everyone how you are going to kill it. Unfortunately, it’s even easier to realize that killing the goat is going to take some hard work so you make no effort in killing the goat after a few weeks, maybe even days. In no time at all, everyone will forget that you swore to bring the carcass of that goat back to the tribe. Most people forget, but being a trainer, I pay attention to that shit. If you are bragging on Facebook about becoming a goat killer, there are those that know that you are simply still at the petting zoo talking a tough game. And please don't routinely promise about how you are going to kill a whole heard of your goats. KISS. One goat killing at a time.
In the end, you can continue to feed your goat kibble out of the palm of your hand, pat it on the head, and hope it doesn’t bite you. I say let’s kill that goat and have us a BBQ.......
Note: No goats were harmed during the writing of this post.
MAKE-UP DAY 1/20/2012
Make-up a workout you missed in the last cycle....OR....do the Power Hour....OR....kill a goat....OR....rest!
POWER HOUR 1/20/2012
- 5 x 5 Push Jerk
- 3 x max reps strict chin-ups