Before you get all tree huggy on me, let’s talk about a goat. I’m not talking those cute little animals that ate that kibble out of your hands at the petting zoo. It would be pretty easy to kill one of those things. I bet I could easily choke out that cute little guy in the photo above. Don’t worry, we aren’t going to be killing goats for time in any workout in the future, but we are going to kill a goat. I’m talking about your training goat.
Your “goat” in your training is that thing you really suck at. EVERYONE has a goat. It’s that one exercise that comes up and you dread it. I can assure you that even the winners of the CrossFit Games have a goat. Some of us have two, three, four or more goats. In that case, you have a whole herd of those little beasts, and you have a lot of work to do.
I have a goat. My goat is the overhead squat. My overhead squat is so ugly, it hurts other people when they watch me do it. When overhead squats come up in a workout, I am a miserable person to be around before and after. I’m still working on killing my goat, but the good news is I knocked my goat down from a ram to just a kid. (Yes, my overhead squat was even worse than it is now.)
The most important thing you can do to kill your goat is to not avoid it. I DREAD OVERHEAD SQUATS IN A WORKOUT. But..... I do them every time they come up. Chyna knows how much I hate them, but she knows that I need to work on them, so I am overhead squatting at least once a week. Oh joy....
So, if your 400m run time is slower than my grandfather walking down a flight of stairs, stop skipping the day that 400m runs are in a workout. If you see burpees posted in a workout and you think that queasiness in your stomach means you have the stomach flu, don’t do everyone else in the gym a favor by not coming in because you don’t want to get anyone else sick. We are already sick...of you making excuses! If back squatting a 5x5 sucks because you aren’t very strong, I assure you that you are not going to get stronger skipping squat days and instead hanging out with your friends and telling them all about your “intense” CrossFit workout program. Instead of figuring out how to avoid your goat, grab that little fucker by the throat and shake the shit out of it! So, step one- Don’t avoid your goat. Even the substitutions for your goat in a workout are structured to help you eventually kill that goat.
Step Two- Ask a trainer how to kill your goat. Do the “How good is my trainer test.” Walk up to your trainer and ask him how to get better at...... (you pick the movement). If your trainer tells you, “Do more CrossFit and it will come to you”, it’s time to look for a new trainer. There is a different way to kill every goat. The biggest cause I see for a movement being someone’s goat is lack of strength. Two other reasons are usually flexibility and being overweight. I don’t think I would be a good trainer if you asked me how to get a muscle up, and I told you, “You are a weak, inflexible, fat ass, so get stronger, more flexible and lose some weight.” Although the statement may be the answer, telling you that would probably go over as well as a fart in church.
Everyone’s goat has to be analyzed. It might be an easy fix, or it might be something that will take some serious work. Whether that path be the yellow brick road or a little walk up a few flights of stairs, a good trainer should be able to give you directions to navigate the path you need to follow.
Step three- Commit to killing that little bastard! One’s ability to kill a goat is a great judge of one’s character. It’s easy to stand up to the goat and tell everyone how you are going to kill it. Unfortunately, it’s even easier to realize that killing the goat is going to take some hard work so you make no effort in killing the goat after a few weeks, maybe even days. In no time at all, everyone will forget that you swore to bring the carcass of that goat back to the tribe. Most people forget, but being a trainer, I pay attention to that shit. If you are bragging on Facebook about becoming a goat killer, there are those that know that you are simply still at the petting zoo talking a tough game. And please don't routinely promise about how you are going to kill a whole heard of your goats. KISS. One goat killing at a time.
In the end, you can continue to feed your goat kibble out of the palm of your hand, pat it on the head, and hope it doesn’t bite you. I say let’s kill that goat and have us a BBQ.......
Note: No goats were harmed during the writing of this post.
******************************************************
MAKE-UP DAY 1/20/2012
Make-up a workout you missed in the last cycle....OR....do the Power Hour....OR....kill a goat....OR....rest!
POWER HOUR 1/20/2012
- 5 x 5 Push Jerk
- 3 x max reps strict chin-ups
******************************************************
HI Tom,China,Austria and America!I love it!very original.My parents named my brother Moon,Venus and Mars for my sisters and I ended up with "Red Bull" in chinese,my grandfather named me.Uranus would have been better,LOL. We all LOVE China/Chyna at Oneworld very much,you and America did a GREAT JOB as parents,Freedy is a OUTSTANDING GUY and they're a perfect match.Hope to meet you in person someday. And grepo "It is better not to speak of things you do not understand"-Confucious-473BC
Posted by: Big Tony | January 20, 2012 at 22:56
That was cool anonymous, best comment ever left on this craSy comment section, PS I miss seeing you running around taking thousands of pictures. You are going to have to bring some extra film this year at regionals, there will be a couple of us there competing.
As far as my goats, well muscle ups, rope climbs and hand stand push , but ive been meeting with a curandero down in mexico and we laid a spell so Ive shed blood on these goats. I should be resolved of any weaknesses any time now.
Posted by: alex | January 20, 2012 at 13:43
"The best way to get better at crossfit is to quit doing crossfit." = Confucius
Posted by: grepo | January 20, 2012 at 13:11
Loved the post...I many "kids" in my herd, but working them, one at a time. Thank you for this post :)
Posted by: sandi holder | January 20, 2012 at 11:17
OKAY THE CAT’S OUT OF THE BAG. I REALLY WANTED MY FRED D. POST TO BE ANONYMOUS BUT I SCREWED UP THINKING MY NAME WOULDN’T POST – STUPID ME AND STUPID MISTAKE – NO BIGGIE. ANYHOW, MOST OF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO TOM IS ANYHOW. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PRIVATE POST BETWEEN CHINA AND FRED D. AND MYSELF. BUTT, SINCE FRED D. TOLD YOU ALL WHO “TOM” WAS – NOW MY ORIGINAL POST MAKES SENSE TO YOU ALL.
ANNIE, I DID NOT MISSPELL CHINA’S NAME. DUH, SINCE I AM HER DAD, I DO KNOW HOW TO SPELL HER NAME. CHYNA ALWAYS KNOWS I SPELL HER NAME C-H-I-N-A. AND, SHE DOES NOT CORRECT ME FOR MISSPELLING HER NAME EITHER – I KNOW YOU WANTED TO HEAR THAT.
I AM THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW OF THAT CALLS FREDDY “FRED D.” ONLY BECAUSE HE IS SPECIAL TO ME AND WE HAVE A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP – HE STOLE CHINA FROM ME AND “AMERICA” (HER MOM) AND HER SISTER AUSTRIA. NO ONE DOES THAT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT EXCEPT “FRED D.” HE WON FAIR AND SQUARE. MAKING HIM PART OF THE HERD MEANS HE IS “FAMILY.” CAN YOU BELIEVE I TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD?
ABOUT HIM BEING OUR FUTURE SON IN LAW – I KNOW CHINA LOVES ME JUST AS MUCH AS SHE LOVES FRED D BECAUSE SHE LOVES ”STRONG, HANDSOME, SMART, WITTY, DEBONAIR MEN.” (I TAUGHT HER TO LOVE AND CHOOSE A MAN THAT IS LIKE HER DAD – GOT THAT?)
YOU KNOW SOMETHING? HOW CAN I NOT LOVE FRED D.? IF I DON’T LOVE FRED D. IT MEANS I DON’T LOVE MYSELF. BOTTOM LINE FRED D. IS A LOT LIKE ME EXCEPT I HAVE MORE HAIR, NO TATTOOS, AND DON’T DRINK BEER. PLUS, I AM MORE HANDSOME. BUTT, WE DO HAVE THE SAME TASTE IN WOMEN – WE BOTH LOVE CHINA (CHYNA FOR THOSE WHO THINK I LOVE “CHINA” THE COUNTRY) DEARLY.
NOW YOU ALL HAVE FUN WITH THAT.
ANONYMOUS
Posted by: ANONYMOUS | January 20, 2012 at 10:44
awesome:)
Posted by: dan lau | January 20, 2012 at 10:25
Dang, he spells his own daughters name wrong. :P The goat I am slaying first is double unders!
Posted by: Annie | January 20, 2012 at 08:47
TOM is my future father-in-law.... :-)
Posted by: freddy | January 20, 2012 at 08:02
"OHHH, you button-hooked me."
What. The. Fuck. Tom?
Posted by: Smuggler | January 20, 2012 at 07:45
Great post. I am going to kill my goat tomorrow in with a 12m run in prep for my first marathon.
Posted by: G | January 20, 2012 at 05:54
My goat is not turning my body when doing a bench press while being spotted as I started to black out...LOL! Oh and it helps to have collars on the bar when you do that.
Posted by: Jor | January 20, 2012 at 05:28
Well the post from Tom was a little awkward. However thanks for the goat story. I just sent the link to all the people i workout with.
Posted by: damer | January 20, 2012 at 04:58
HI FRED D. I MUST AGREE WITH SUSHI. I HAVEN'T READ ALL YOUR POSTS - BUT THIS ONE - HAS GOT MY GOAT. DUH, PARDON THE PUN, I CAN'T HELP IT - I AM JUST A "KID". I NEVER POSTED ANYTHING BEFORE. CHINA DEFINITELY CHOSE THE RIGHT MAN. HANDSOME, DEBONAIR, SMART, GOOD LOOKING, A MAN OF A FEW WORDS. WELCOME TO THE HERD. YOUR MOUTH OR RATHER YOUR WAY WITH WORDS HAS FINALLY HAS GOT MY GOAT. BE GOOD, SON. JUST DON'T DRINK TOO MANY BEERS AND NO MORE TATTOOS PLEASE. CHINA LEFT ME FOR A BETTER MAN. THE BEST MAN WON AND I AM NOT COMPLAINING. BYE NOW.
YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS.
Posted by: TOM | January 20, 2012 at 04:02
THIS IS BY FAR, HEAD AND SHOULDERS ABOVE, YOUR BEST POST. NOT ONLY DOES THIS APPLY TO THE CROSSFIT WORLD, BUT TO EVERY ASPECT OF ATHLETICS (OR EVEN LIFE) IN GENERAL. I HEART YOU, FREDDY. BTW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T GUESSED, MY GOATS ARE HANDSTAND PUSH-UPS AND BACK SQUATS. WHAT ARE YOUR GOATS?
Posted by: @sushi | January 20, 2012 at 02:09
When i saw today the weight of others on the board from yesterday WOD on overhead squats i felt a whole lot better, i guess most of us have a goat for that one.My goats are more like donkeys and just as hard to kill too.
Posted by: Big Tony | January 20, 2012 at 01:11
Amazing! LMAO
Posted by: Caleb | January 19, 2012 at 23:00
My goat is working out in general.
Posted by: Lancaster | January 19, 2012 at 22:32
I think I need a herding stick for my goats! Overhead Squats, Double Unders, Power Snatch, and pull ups. I've been working on them and I have improved on many of them, but I still hate them.
Posted by: Joe Nepo | January 19, 2012 at 22:06